A Lesson Learned

Since being back in Ukraine, I have had lots of time to think of things. Even on my trip in Germany, it occurred to me that I wasn't there simply by man's doing. I learned many things about our Heavenly Father, and that He shall never leave us, even in our most trying times in life when He seems most distant. In all that I had going on in my life in Ukraine, I seemed to leave God out of the picture a lot. But you ask, "How can that be possible? A missionary who moved to the other side of the planet can lose focus on God?" Unfortunately, it is possible even for the greatest of men to lose some of their trust and focus on God. Look at Elijah after the showdown at the altar where God fried everything to a crisp with His holy fire. The next day Elijah was fleeing for his life from Queen Jezebel. How quickly in this life we can forget the wonders of God and walk on our own path of fear and neglect for Him, even though the previous day He showed His presence in the most amazing ways! I am no exception, and I don't claim to be even remotely as great as Elijah! :)

I understand my "vacation" was (to a very, very small degree) something like that of the Israelites wandering in the desert due to their misplaced faith in God. Or perhaps my trip could be very reservedly compared to that of when God took King Nebuchadnezzar off his throne and drove him into the wild just to show him who's really in charge. Whatever the case, I know God spoke volumes through his leading me out of Ukraine. It seemed that He gave me a very serious ultimatum. I felt Him saying, "If you don't change your ways and focus on Me, then you cannot return to Ukraine. You are not fit to do My Will without complete faith and trust in Me." I felt like the lukewarm water that God is ready to spit out of His mouth. At that point I was so eager to seek my Father's approval! How terrible it feels to not be in one with Him!!! Not just because of the possibility of losing something in life I hold so dear, but to come to the utter and full realization that you are not where God wants you to be in your spiritual life! But even as hopeless as things seemed at time, I had a peace knowing that God hadn't abandoned me. He was simply showing Me His presence - showing off His wondrous self. It may seem harsh when God throws us off our track in life, but let these verses explain that: It is written in Proverbs 3:11-12 "My child, don't reject the LORD's discipline, and don't be upset when He corrects you. For the LORD corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." That verse gave me much hope and understanding of my predicament. :) Now, I don't need to tell you all how special everything in Ukraine is to me. The mere thought of not returning burned a hole in my emotional stability, and I couldn't bear the weight of it; of life without being right with God, and my life without all those whom I love so dearly in Ukraine.

Needless to say, I prayed more and more daily as the days went by. Yet, I still had the nerve to worry about things and couldn't hardly get a good night's sleep most nights due to anxiousness. I found that at every key moment of acquiring things or going places that took me one step closer to Ukraine, the situations at first always seemed to go a bit wrong. While the Canadian passport went good and fast, I found that everything else was directly controlled by God's hands. What I mean is, this: the letter of invitation that was to accompany my Ukrainian visa application for some reason took far longer than it should have to arrive in the mail. So I prayed and prayed, and prayed some more until I saw it clearly happening...and there it was in the mail. Then came the day of submitting the application at the Ukrainian embassy. I planned my route there with precision, yet it seemed no matter which way I chose to get there, the trains were all slower than normal, the waits at the platforms were all delayed, and the bank I had to pay my fees at wasn't where I thought it was. The line-up in the embassy had only one woman in front of me, yet it took 45 minutes before I got helped. In all these delays, my worries allowed me to focus on prayer, and God paved the way for me to pray more and more. Even my flight from Berlin to Kiev had many setbacks. Our departure from Berlin was 30 minutes late, and our connection in Warsaw was pushed back by an hour due to mechanical problems with our plane that forced the flight to be transferred onto a new aircraft entirely. What did I do with my extra time? I prayed. After all, the time in Warsaw's Chopin International Airport was the most nerve-wracking for me. It was the final point of no return before landing in Kiev to see if they would allow me entrance into Ukraine or not. When we were told to stop boarding our plane in Warsaw and got turned back, I simply looked up to the sky and I knew it was God's doing. Of course, He probably saved us from certain doom in the plane that was clearly not fit to fly, but I know He was also calling me to worship Him, and to, for once, get a grasp on that tiny mustard seed of faith in Him. It was as if He was telling me that I needed more than the amazing prayer cover given by so many of you amazing friends and family who keep my in your prayers. It was more than my own prayers. The golden ticket was for me to throw my worries off and place my whole world in God's very capable hands.
"Trust is the LORD with all your heart; do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5
"'What do you mean, 'If I can'?' Jesus asked. 'Anything is possible if a person believes.' " - Mark 9:23

When we landed in Kiev, it wasn't obvious at first which passport check line God had chosen for me, but when I chose to see through my faith, I saw the way paved as smooth as fresh asphalt.

Since being back, it's been a joy and blessing to be more aware of the situations God is showing me daily where I can say something that matters, or show someone care and love when they need it. In the past I often found myself being the silent bystander who hardly broke through his comfort zone. But already I am finding that I can more easily hear the Spirit's guiding, and see God's very hands pointing out the things He wants me to see. It sure makes a difference when you put some faith in the recipe of life. Thanks again for all of you who have been with me on my journey. But my journey is only beginning. Stay tuned because the future posts will be of the amazing kids I minister to, of their amazing warmth, and of their love with deep roots that so rarely gets a chance to grow and show its flowers in full bloom.