Update on Nastya (from last post)

          For those of you who didn't get a chance to see my post on Facebook last night, I am posting an update on the girl from my last blog post who gave me her stuffed animal when I visited her in the sick ward at Boarding School #9.

          When I wrote last, two weeks ago, Nastya was still in the sick ward with a fever, and wasn't sure how many more days she would be quarantined there. We went there the following day and she was already back in her group, without a fever and doing well. Only one week before she came down with the fever, she had her cast removed from a broken arm she suffered while wrestling in her wrestling class at school. We visited her orphanage again on Friday, and I found her once again in the sick ward...this time with a broken knee! I went into the sick area to visit her, and found her in a slightly warmer room than last time, and that she has a full leg cast on. This time she shares her room with one other girl who never seems to be around who also has been recovering from leg problems. I asked Nastya what happened to her leg, and she told me that a girl fell on her leg while wrestling in her class. Nastya's group is very involved in wrestling, and even have a professional Ukrainian national trainer who volunteers his time to train these girls 3 times every day! They are involved in many local, and even some international tournaments.

Here Nastya (left) wins a match in a local tournament.

          I told Nastya that I didn't have much time to visit her, but that we would be at her orphanage again the following day, and that I would come to visit her. After I talked to her a bit longer, I packed up to go.
          As I started to leave, she asked, "So you'll be coming tomorrow to our orphanage, right?"
          "Yeah, we'll be here in the morning," I replied.
          "You'll come to visit me?"
          I smiled. "Of course. I'll make sure to especially visit you."
          She smiled back. "I'll be waiting for you."

          The next day we came to Nastya's orphanage, and did our program of crafts, games, and Bible stories with a few groups as time allowed. After that, I stole down to the sick ward with my bag and came to the open door to Nastya's room. I peered in to see her leaning on the hot water radiator with her crutches firmly tucked under her arms, gazing out the window before her.
          "Privet, Nastya," I said.
          She turned and with an instant smile and came to greet me.
          Ever since Nastya gave me her only stuffed animal, I have been weighed down with the longing to give something back...anything at all! I gave her a homemade Valentine's card on Valentine's Day that turned out terrible because I am not very good with crafts, but she loved it anyway. Then she gave me a wonderful card in return, and once again I felt like the equation wasn't balanced. Her precious, selfless deed of giving me her only belonging spoke to me in volumes so loud that I just had to do something more! So, after visiting her orphanage and seeing her broken leg the night before, I went to the store and bought her the fluffiest, most beautiful Teddy bear I could find. So I said to her,
          "Nastya, I know that it must be boring and lonely for you in here every day. I understand you won't be going to school for the three weeks that you have your cast on. Well, I have a surprise for you," I said as I turned my back to her so as to conceal what I was pulling out of my bag.
          "What? For me?" She inquired with intrigue.
          Before I could have answered, I turned and presented her with the Teddy bear. Her face lit up with such amazement.
          "It's for me??" She continued with excitement growing in her voice. "He's so beautiful! He's co great! He's perfect! Thank-you very much!" She immediately cuddled the bear into her arms and hugged him tight with a smile from ear to ear. There it was. The moment I needed to see this precious child experience.  

Nastya with her new Teddy

Here is Nastya with me, showing the camera her new Teddy as I show off the one she gave me.

          As I started to leave, I said to Nastya, "We'll be back to this orphanage next Wednesday. I'll make sure I come and visit you."
          "You know where to find me," she said. "I'll be in here for three weeks."
          "Then I'll make sure to bring you something to do so that you won't be bored. But for now, let Teddy keep you company."
          "Ok. I'll be waiting for you! Bye!" She said as she resumed sitting on the hot water radiator.

          My good friend Barry suggested I bring her some Crayons and some reading material. I think that'll be perfect. If anyone has any other suggestions, please feel free to comment on this post and help me out. Thanks for reading, and I'll make sure to keep you posted on her in the future!

Always a New Experience

Since being back in Ukraine, things have been amazing. It's as if all the fear I had of not returning has since turned into wonder and amazement of everything around me, all over again as if it's my very first time being here. I remember coming into the airport common area and being so EXCITED to speak in Russian to a lady at the desk, asking where I could top up my prepaid phone account. It was a joy and a blessing just to use my language knowledge again!

On the day of my arrival in Krivoy Rog, I didn't even let a moment slip by! Adam said I could take the day off to rest, but I just HAD to see the kids again!! So off I went to Solnechney Orphanage, the one only 15 minutes' walk from my apartment. It felt so good to even walk that road leading to my favorite place. When I got there, I noticed that lots of the kids noticed my absence, while others simply greeted me as if nothing had happened. The ones who did notice gave such big hugs and smiles! Some said they missed me so much! Oh, how nice it is to be missed. :)

I recall in particular stepping into the older girls' group and all of them were sitting around watching a movie. They had the lights dim, and when I said Hello from the doorway, they all looked and couldn't figure out who it was since it was too dim there. So then I stepped into the light, and immediately one girl in particular, Nastya Papova who is 12 years old, jumped up and bolted to me to give me a big hug. Others all welcomed me with enthusiasm and asked many questions about my adventure. All the boys greeted me as usual, and it was so nice to see them all again! The younger kids were all ecstatic to see me. (Am I bragging? :) I recall seeing little Dasha standing in the corridor, almost in tears because someone threw a snowball at her head when she was outside. I hardly recognized her all bundled up and with a toque on. I said to her, "My, it's been a long time since I have seen you! I missed you so much, Dasha!" Then she, without any emotion in her face replied, "I know. It's been a long time. I missed you too...very much."  I then knelt to her height and opened my arms for a hug. She walked over and gave me the biggest hug ever!! She didn't let go for some time. I thought if she didn't let go soon, then I'd have to carry her back to her group! :) I love big hugs like that! They're like medicine for the soul. :)

On to today's news. We were visiting the boarding school, and since most kids were busy, we ended up sitting around with the younger boys. They love to wrestle, so Adam and I gave them some good lessons like a father would with his own boys! But as we were leaving, we walked past the sick bay, and there I noticed a little girl named Nastya (9 years old?) in there, all by her lonesome. I walked over to her, and asked her why she was there. She told me that she was in there already for 2 days because of a fever, and that she would be there another day or two at least. No school, no visitors. She then asked if I wanted to see her room in the sick bay. I said sure, and she led me over to the doorway and opened the door to her room, located right off the main hallway. The room was devoid of anything at all to resemble any form of comfort. The walls and the floor were bleak and sterile, the 4 beds were old Soviet-style with chain-link support and thin blankets, and all Nastya had with her were a few schoolbooks and a stuffed bunny that she sleeps with. She told me how boring it is being that she is the only one in the room, and for so long. I felt such compassion for her, and thought of how I could help in any way to make her time there more enjoyable. I reached into my bag and gave her a craft that we had for the boys. It is full of stickers and sparkly powder to decorate a shape on a paper. It's hard to explain :). But I thought, at least it's something for her to pass the time. Her face lit up, and she was so thankful, from such a tiny thing! She then immediately ran from the hallway, and into her room and over to her bed, fetched her beloved stuffed bunny and handed it to me. "Here," she said with a smile,"You can keep him. He's so soft and cuddly! I love to use him as a pillow." I tell you, I was beside myself! What do you say to something like that?! The bunny was a medium-sized, good quality one too. I immediately tried to turn it down, because I knew it was something important to her. "I can't take this! It's your favorite stuffed animal!" I pleaded. She only smiled more, "I insist. Please keep him safe for me." I thanked her and gave her a big hug. When I went outside, I nearly broke into tears. I couldn't get it out of my mind how Nastya had just given one of her only possessions to me. May God bless her in abundance!!

The heart of a child is so pure, so innocent. It's something I re-experience almost daily. Oh, the innocence of children, and how every fiber of my being yearns to do everything in my power to preserve and cherish it in the name of Christ!!

A Lesson Learned

Since being back in Ukraine, I have had lots of time to think of things. Even on my trip in Germany, it occurred to me that I wasn't there simply by man's doing. I learned many things about our Heavenly Father, and that He shall never leave us, even in our most trying times in life when He seems most distant. In all that I had going on in my life in Ukraine, I seemed to leave God out of the picture a lot. But you ask, "How can that be possible? A missionary who moved to the other side of the planet can lose focus on God?" Unfortunately, it is possible even for the greatest of men to lose some of their trust and focus on God. Look at Elijah after the showdown at the altar where God fried everything to a crisp with His holy fire. The next day Elijah was fleeing for his life from Queen Jezebel. How quickly in this life we can forget the wonders of God and walk on our own path of fear and neglect for Him, even though the previous day He showed His presence in the most amazing ways! I am no exception, and I don't claim to be even remotely as great as Elijah! :)

I understand my "vacation" was (to a very, very small degree) something like that of the Israelites wandering in the desert due to their misplaced faith in God. Or perhaps my trip could be very reservedly compared to that of when God took King Nebuchadnezzar off his throne and drove him into the wild just to show him who's really in charge. Whatever the case, I know God spoke volumes through his leading me out of Ukraine. It seemed that He gave me a very serious ultimatum. I felt Him saying, "If you don't change your ways and focus on Me, then you cannot return to Ukraine. You are not fit to do My Will without complete faith and trust in Me." I felt like the lukewarm water that God is ready to spit out of His mouth. At that point I was so eager to seek my Father's approval! How terrible it feels to not be in one with Him!!! Not just because of the possibility of losing something in life I hold so dear, but to come to the utter and full realization that you are not where God wants you to be in your spiritual life! But even as hopeless as things seemed at time, I had a peace knowing that God hadn't abandoned me. He was simply showing Me His presence - showing off His wondrous self. It may seem harsh when God throws us off our track in life, but let these verses explain that: It is written in Proverbs 3:11-12 "My child, don't reject the LORD's discipline, and don't be upset when He corrects you. For the LORD corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." That verse gave me much hope and understanding of my predicament. :) Now, I don't need to tell you all how special everything in Ukraine is to me. The mere thought of not returning burned a hole in my emotional stability, and I couldn't bear the weight of it; of life without being right with God, and my life without all those whom I love so dearly in Ukraine.

Needless to say, I prayed more and more daily as the days went by. Yet, I still had the nerve to worry about things and couldn't hardly get a good night's sleep most nights due to anxiousness. I found that at every key moment of acquiring things or going places that took me one step closer to Ukraine, the situations at first always seemed to go a bit wrong. While the Canadian passport went good and fast, I found that everything else was directly controlled by God's hands. What I mean is, this: the letter of invitation that was to accompany my Ukrainian visa application for some reason took far longer than it should have to arrive in the mail. So I prayed and prayed, and prayed some more until I saw it clearly happening...and there it was in the mail. Then came the day of submitting the application at the Ukrainian embassy. I planned my route there with precision, yet it seemed no matter which way I chose to get there, the trains were all slower than normal, the waits at the platforms were all delayed, and the bank I had to pay my fees at wasn't where I thought it was. The line-up in the embassy had only one woman in front of me, yet it took 45 minutes before I got helped. In all these delays, my worries allowed me to focus on prayer, and God paved the way for me to pray more and more. Even my flight from Berlin to Kiev had many setbacks. Our departure from Berlin was 30 minutes late, and our connection in Warsaw was pushed back by an hour due to mechanical problems with our plane that forced the flight to be transferred onto a new aircraft entirely. What did I do with my extra time? I prayed. After all, the time in Warsaw's Chopin International Airport was the most nerve-wracking for me. It was the final point of no return before landing in Kiev to see if they would allow me entrance into Ukraine or not. When we were told to stop boarding our plane in Warsaw and got turned back, I simply looked up to the sky and I knew it was God's doing. Of course, He probably saved us from certain doom in the plane that was clearly not fit to fly, but I know He was also calling me to worship Him, and to, for once, get a grasp on that tiny mustard seed of faith in Him. It was as if He was telling me that I needed more than the amazing prayer cover given by so many of you amazing friends and family who keep my in your prayers. It was more than my own prayers. The golden ticket was for me to throw my worries off and place my whole world in God's very capable hands.
"Trust is the LORD with all your heart; do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5
"'What do you mean, 'If I can'?' Jesus asked. 'Anything is possible if a person believes.' " - Mark 9:23

When we landed in Kiev, it wasn't obvious at first which passport check line God had chosen for me, but when I chose to see through my faith, I saw the way paved as smooth as fresh asphalt.

Since being back, it's been a joy and blessing to be more aware of the situations God is showing me daily where I can say something that matters, or show someone care and love when they need it. In the past I often found myself being the silent bystander who hardly broke through his comfort zone. But already I am finding that I can more easily hear the Spirit's guiding, and see God's very hands pointing out the things He wants me to see. It sure makes a difference when you put some faith in the recipe of life. Thanks again for all of you who have been with me on my journey. But my journey is only beginning. Stay tuned because the future posts will be of the amazing kids I minister to, of their amazing warmth, and of their love with deep roots that so rarely gets a chance to grow and show its flowers in full bloom.